For the long married
Renewing Your Vows on Valentine’s Day
Valentine’s Day gets talked about as a day for asking the question. But some of the best answers to that question have been going for thirty, forty, fifty years. If that is you, February 14 is a fine day to say it all again.
A vow renewal can be as big as a backyard full of family or as small as the two of you in your own living room. I have led the big kind, including my own mom and dad’s 50th, and Shannon and I chose the quiet kind for ourselves. Below you will find simple ways to do it, who can lead it, a complete ceremony you can borrow, three sets of sample vows, and ways to bring your family in.
Planning for February 14? See everything for Valentine’s Day on one page, from proposals to gifts and love letters.
In this guide
Why Valentine’s Day works for a renewal
It is a date you already celebrate. You do not have to invent an occasion or explain to anyone why you are doing it. Everyone understands.
It also takes the pressure off a big anniversary year. You do not have to wait for the 25th or the 50th. Some couples renew their vows after a hard season they came through together. Others simply want to say it again while they both can.
And it is a day when others are doing the same. Many churches and senior communities hold a group renewal on or near Valentine’s Day, with several couples standing up together. If yours does not, it is worth asking. Someone has to be first.
Simple ways to do it
Just the two of you
If that sounds like you, you need very little. Pick a quiet evening. Light a candle or two. Hold hands and say your vows to each other, the ones from your wedding day or new ones you have written. Some couples read them from cards they keep afterward. Others simply speak.
With family at home
Gather your children, grandchildren and a few close friends in the living room or around the dinner table. One person can lead, or you can lead it yourselves. Keep it short, then eat. Nobody has ever complained that a renewal ended in time for dessert.
A celebration with everyone
Some couples want everyone there, and why not? Years ago, it was a great privilege for me to officiate at my mom and dad’s 50th anniversary. They wanted a big bash, and it was. It was fun putting it together, and the reception was even more fun. Mom and Dad were talkers, and that added to the fun. You could not stop them. Nor should we.
A bigger renewal can follow the shape of a wedding: music, a few words, readings, vows, rings and a party. The ceremony below is built on the one I led for Jim and Gloria.
A group renewal
If your church, synagogue or retirement community holds a group renewal, it can be a lovely thing to do alongside friends. The vows are usually said together, couple to couple, and there is something moving about a room full of people promising it all again at once.
Who leads it
A vow renewal is not a legal ceremony. You are already married, so there is no license to sign and no rule about who can lead it. That gives you freedom.
- A pastor, priest, rabbi or minister. If faith is part of your marriage, this is a natural choice. Ask early; February 14 fills up.
- A friend or family member. Someone who knows your story well, an old friend, a sibling, even a grown child.
- The two of you. You can lead it yourselves, taking turns with the words below.
Whoever leads it, hand them the ceremony ahead of time and let them make it sound like them. If you have asked a friend, our page on writing a wedding ceremony script walks through each part.
A renewal ceremony, start to finish
This order follows the 50th anniversary renewal I led. Keep what fits and drop what does not. For a quiet renewal at home, the questions, the vows and a blessing are plenty. Put your own names where you see (Name).
The entrance
Play music that means something to you. Walk in together, side by side. Nobody gives anybody away at a renewal; you have been walking together for years. Turn and face each other at the front.
The welcome
The leader welcomes everyone and says why you have gathered.
“Welcome, everyone, to the anniversary celebration of (Name) and (Name). They are delighted to have you here with them today, and they thank you for coming.”
An opening prayer or words of welcome
If you are people of faith, ask a friend or pastor to open with a short prayer. If not, a friend can say a few words about what this day means.
A word from family
Invite a brother, sister or grown child to say a few words. At Jim and Gloria’s renewal, Shannon spoke about Mom’s music, which was playing that day.
Remembering those who were there
Name the people who stood with you on your wedding day and are no longer here. Parents, grandparents, a best man. It takes a minute, and it means a great deal.
A few words about the years
The leader speaks briefly about your marriage: the homes, the children, the hard years and the good ones. Count the days if you like; guests love it. Ten years is 3,652 days. Twenty-five is 9,131. Fifty is 18,262.
Here is what I said at Jim and Gloria’s 50th. Borrow its shape for your own couple: the numbers, the people you are remembering, then what the years have held.
What I said for Jim and Gloria
The Golden Anniversary is a milestone that few married couples can celebrate, but today we can, as it is the 50th year of marriage, which translates into 18,262 days together and 438,288 hours of building a family with a lifetime of memories. (Applause)
Jim and Gloria give tribute to four people who were at their wedding 50 years ago: Gloria’s parents and Jim’s parents. These wonderful parents are with them today in our hearts, and through the faith that we have in Christ.
Jim and Gloria stand before us, having found love, year after year, 50 times over. And in so doing, remind us all that love is rich, enduring, and a state of being to be treasured.
Many people believe that entering into marriage is the final step in a romantic relationship. As they see it, a couple meets, gets to know each other, falls in love, decides they want to go through life together, and then takes the final step: marriage. But marriage is not the final step in a couple’s relationship. It is really just the beginning of a grand adventure.
In 50 years Jim and Gloria have made new friends and cherished old ones; built houses and turned them into homes; had kids and created families, and had grandkids who are their legacy of love. Gloria and Jim have been a kind and giving daughter and son, a loving sister and brother, and a devoted mom and dad. They have been a source of inspiration to granddaughters and grandsons, wise mentors to nieces and nephews, and a friend and buddy to cousins. Gloria and Jim have ridden horses, won national and international competitions, they have built businesses and careers, risked a lot and always won, gaining either wisdom or wealth and sometimes both. They have laughed a lot, cried a little, made each other’s dreams come true, and lived in faith, turning ordinary life into deep and eternal joy.
The questions
The leader asks each of you, in turn. Use husband, wife or spouse, whichever is yours.
“(Name), will you continue to celebrate (Name) as your wife?”
“I will.”“As you have for (number) years loved, honored and cherished (Name), in sickness and in health, in plenty and in want, finding the best in life through your faithfulness to each other, do you continue to do so?”
“I do.”For a faith ceremony, add “and to God” after “to each other.”
A reading
A friend or family member reads something short. See wedding readings, poems and scripture for ideas.
The vows
The leader asks you to join hands.
“On your wedding day, (number) years ago, you made your vows to each other. Please share your vows today.”
Say your original vows, new ones you have written, or one of the samples below.
Rings or a new token
Exchange your old rings again, or give each other something new: an anniversary band, a locket, a watch. See ring exchange wording for words to say as you do.
Family comes forward
Invite your children and grandchildren to come and stand with you at the front.
The declaration
“(Name) and (Name), by the renewing of your vows, and with the love of your family and friends, you are again joined together in marriage. May your life together continue to flourish with health, love and happiness.”
Then let everyone applaud, and kiss.
A closing blessing
The leader thanks everyone for coming, tells them where the food is, and closes with a blessing.
“May your home be full of laughter, your table full of friends, and your years together full of grace. Go in peace.”
For a faith ceremony: “Lord, place your hand upon (Name) and (Name), and give them long days of life and happiness. Make our hearts light as we celebrate this joyous day, and send us out in your peace.” More options are on our closing blessing page.
Three sample renewal vows
Use these as they are, or change them to sound like you. Your own words are always best. For help writing them, see how to write vows that matter.
Short and simple
(Name), I chose you then, and I choose you now. I would do it all again. I promise to keep choosing you, every day we are given.
Traditional
I, (Name), take you, (Name), once again as my (husband / wife), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, for as long as we both shall live.
Written for a long marriage
(Name), when we made our promises (number) years ago, we had no idea what they would ask of us, or what they would give us. We have built a home and a family. We have laughed a lot and cried a little. We have held on through the hard years and been grateful for the good ones. If I could go back to that first day, I would say yes again, and I would mean it even more. I promise to love you for all the years we have left, and to make every one of them count.
Including your children and grandchildren
A renewal is one of the few ceremonies where your children can stand beside you. Some ways to include them:
- Invite them to the front for the declaration, as Jim and Gloria did.
- Ask a grown son or daughter to give the welcome or say a few words about growing up in your home.
- Have a grandchild carry the rings or read a short poem.
- Ask each family to bring something for a keepsake table: a photo, a note, a recipe card.
For more ways to bring everyone into the moment, our book Woven Together has 24 ways to include your guests, from ring warmings to wishing stones. See also our ring warming ceremony, where every guest holds the rings for a moment before they are exchanged.
More help for the day
If you would like a complete ceremony written out, word for word, our book 18 Complete Wedding Ceremonies has eighteen of them, from traditional to simple, and most adapt easily for a renewal.
The book link is an affiliate link. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases, at no extra cost to you.
More for your marriage: marriage advice from Sharon and Dennis, wedding vow examples and how to write your own vows.
See everything for Valentine’s Day, from proposal ideas to gifts and love letters, on one page.