Ring Warming Ceremony: How It Works and What to Say

In a ring warming, your wedding rings travel through the hands of your guests before you exchange them. Each person holds them for a moment, offers a silent wish or prayer for your marriage, and passes them along. By the time the rings come back to the front, they carry the good wishes of everyone in the room.

It's simple, it needs nothing more than your rings and a ribbon, and it gives every guest a real part in the ceremony instead of just a seat.

Why it means something

I was once a guest at a church on the Sunday they dedicated a new steeple. Later that week a crane was going to lift it up to the top of the building. During the service, the minister called the children forward, along with any grown-ups who wanted to come.

"All your lives you've been told not to touch," she said. "Well, today you can. Put your hands all over this steeple. Leave your fingerprints everywhere. And when it goes up, know that a little bit of you went up there with it."

Every hand that holds your rings goes with them.

I've never forgotten that, and I doubt those children have either. Ring warming works the same way. Your rings are about to be worn every day for the rest of your lives, and for a few minutes, the people who love you get to put their hands on them first.

When to do it

There are three good times, and the right one depends mostly on the size of your guest list.

• As the ceremony begins. The rings start at the front row right after the welcome and make their way back, with a soloist or musician playing while they travel. They need to be back at the front before the ring exchange.
• During a song. If you have a soloist or a musician, pass the rings while the music plays. This works well for smaller weddings, where the rings can get around the room in one or two songs.
• At the rehearsal dinner. For a large wedding, this is often the best choice. Your closest family and friends warm the rings around the table the night before, and nobody is rushed.

How to set it up

1. Secure the rings

   Tie the rings to a satin ribbon with a firm knot, or set them in a small pouch or a ring box with a lid. A loose ring dropped between the chairs will be remembered longer than the vows.

2. Choose a ring keeper

   Ask one person you trust, often the best man, a grandparent or an usher, to start the rings, keep an eye on them as they travel, and bring them back to the officiant.

3. Decide on the path

   Front row to back, down one side and up the other, is the simplest. Tell your ushers the plan so they can help the rings cross the aisle.

4. Tell the guests

   Put a line in the program, or have the officiant explain it, so nobody is puzzled when a ribbon with two rings lands in their lap.

5. Arrange the music

   Ask a soloist or musician to play while the rings travel. More on that just below.

A line for your program could be as simple as this:

Plan the music

Don't skip this part. Passing the rings takes longer than most couples expect, and a long silence while two rings creep along the rows feels awkward. Music turns that waiting into one of the loveliest moments of the ceremony.

• Ask a soloist or musician. A singer, a pianist, a guitarist or a string player gives the room something to listen to while the rings travel. A friend or family member who sings or plays is even better, because it gives one more person a part in the day.
• Choose more music than you think you need. Pick two or three pieces, or one the musician can easily repeat or stretch. It's much easier to stop early than to run out of music with the rings still in the back row.
• Pick something that means something. A song from your first dance, a hymn from your church, or a quiet instrumental version of a song you both love.
• Give the musician a signal. Ask them to watch the ring keeper and bring the music to a gentle close as the rings come back to the front, so the officiant can step right in.

Go over the timing at the rehearsal. Pass something the size of the ring box along a row or two and see how long it takes, then tell the musician what to expect.

What the officiant can say

Keep it short. The rings say most of it. Change any of these to sound like you, and use the couple's real names.

From there, the officiant moves into the preface to the ring exchange and the exchange of rings.

Ways to make it your own

• Family only. Pass the rings among parents, grandparents, brothers and sisters. It's quicker, and it can be very moving.
• Include the children. In a blended family, let the children be the first or the last to hold the rings before they come back to the front.
• Remember someone. If a loved one has passed, the ring keeper can pause by their photo or an empty chair before bringing the rings forward.
• Warm them at the door. Instead of passing the rings during the ceremony, have guests hold them as they arrive, with your ring keeper standing by the guest book.

Questions couples ask

Isn't it risky to pass our rings around?

A little, which is why you tie them to a ribbon or close them in a box. With the rings secured and one trusted person watching them, the risk is small. A loose ring is the real danger.

How long does a ring warming take?

It depends on the size of the room. A small wedding can pass the rings in a few minutes. In a large room it can take much longer, which is why a soloist or musician matters, so start early, pass them only through part of the room, or do it at the rehearsal dinner.

Do we need to be religious to do it?

No. Guests can offer a prayer, a wish or simply a good thought. The officiant's words can be as religious or as plain as you like.

What if we have two hundred guests?

Pass the rings along the front rows only, or just among family, or move the whole thing to the rehearsal dinner. Fewer hands, done well, mean more than a room full of rushed ones.