Just Engaged at Christmas? What to Do in the First 30 Days

Congratulations! If you got engaged over the holidays, you have plenty of company. Christmas Eve and Christmas Day are two of the most popular days of the year to propose.

And then comes December 26. The wrapping paper is in the recycling, the ring is on your finger, and somebody at the table has already asked, “So, when’s the wedding?”

Here is my advice, after a lot of years of standing at the front of a lot of weddings: you don’t have to answer that question yet. The first month isn’t for planning a wedding. It is for enjoying being engaged and getting a few simple things right. Here is what to do, week by week.

Week 1: tell the people who matter, in the right order

Before anything goes on Facebook, tell your parents and your children yourselves. In person if you can, a phone call if you can’t. Not a text. Then grandparents, brothers and sisters, and the close friends who will be standing beside you.

A mother who finds out from a post can carry that hurt longer than you would think. A few phone calls on December 25 or 26 keep the peace for the whole engagement.

Then enjoy it. Let a day or two belong to just the two of you.

Week 2: look after the ring

1. Get it sized

   A ring that is a little loose in a warm house can slide right off on a cold January day. Most jewelers resize in a week or two.

2. Insure it

   Call your home or renter’s insurance company and ask whether the ring is covered for loss, not only theft. Keep the receipt or appraisal somewhere safe.

3. Take a few good photos

   Of the ring, and of the two of you, while the glow is still fresh. They come in handy for cards, the save-the-date and the wedding slideshow.

Week 3: the one conversation to have

Before you visit a single venue, sit down together, just the two of you, over a cup of coffee, and talk through three questions:

1. How big?

   Twenty people around a long table, or two hundred and a dance floor? Everything else follows the guest count.

2. How much?

   What can you spend without starting your marriage in debt? If parents want to help, ask them now, kindly and plainly, what they have in mind.

3. When, roughly?

   A season and a year is enough for now. Next fall. Spring after next.

You don’t need perfect answers. You need answers you both agree on. Couples who settle these three early argue far less later, because the hard decisions have already been made in one quiet conversation instead of fifty tense ones.

Week 4: a rough guest list and a season

Each of you writes down everyone you would want there, without arguing about it yet. Then put the lists together and count. That number, more than anything else, tells you what kind of venue to look for and what the wedding will cost.

If you go to a bridal show in January, and they are fun, go to look and collect prices. Don’t sign anything that day, no matter how good the show special sounds. Bring it home, check it against your budget and your guest count, and decide together.

What can wait

• The dress, the colors and the cake. They will still be there in March.
• The exact date. It usually follows the venue, not the other way around.
• A big announcement party. If the family is already together at Christmas, that may be all the party you need for now.
• Asking your wedding party. No rush, but if you want to ask while everyone is together over the holidays, our wedding party cards tell each person what the job actually involves. I was a best man once, and nobody told me I would be picking up and returning the tuxedos, booking the groom’s haircut and arranging the bachelor party. Yikes.

Saving ideas on Pinterest is fine. Just don’t let a screen full of other people’s weddings decide what yours should be before the two of you have had that week-three conversation.

Tools to keep it all in one place

When you are ready to start, these printables keep the first decisions on paper, where both of you can see them:

Want the whole picture in one book? Planning Your Wedding, Building Your Marriage covers the planning and the marriage that comes after it. You can see everything we offer on Printables and Planners.

Just engaged questions

What is the first thing to do after getting engaged?

Tell your parents and children yourselves, in person or by phone, before anything goes online. Then enjoy a few quiet days before any planning starts.

How soon should we set a wedding date?

There is no rush in the first month. Agree on a season and a rough guest count first. The exact date usually follows the venue.

Should we insure the engagement ring?

Yes, it is worth a phone call to your home or renter’s insurance company in the first week. Ask whether the ring is covered for loss, not only theft.

Should we book a venue at a January bridal show?

Go to look and collect prices, but don’t sign anything until the two of you have agreed on a budget and a guest count at home.

When the first month is behind you, Start Here walks you through the rest of the planning, one step at a time. Congratulations, and merry Christmas.