Ask David
My Fiancé Wants to Wear Sneakers to Our Wedding
Dear David,
My fiancé is a wonderful man, but he has absolutely no interest in formal clothing.
We are planning an elegant evening wedding. I have chosen a beautiful gown, and the wedding party will be wearing formal attire.
My fiancé has agreed to wear a suit, but he insists on wearing his favorite white sneakers. He says they are comfortable and that nobody will notice.
I assure you, people will notice.
He has even suggested that the groomsmen wear sneakers too. I know this sounds silly, but I have dreamed about this day for years. I don’t want our wedding photographs to look like the groom stopped by on his way to the gym.
Should I insist on proper shoes?
— Walking Down the Aisle in Disbelief
Dear Walking,
Dress shoes for the ceremony. Sneakers for the reception. Everybody wins, and the groomsmen can follow his lead.
This fight is almost never about shoes. You see sneakers as a sign he isn’t taking the day seriously. He may see them as the one thing in the whole wedding that’s still his. Talk about that, and you’ll probably find you agree more than you think.
For the ceremony and the formal portraits, he wears proper shoes. Those pictures go on the mantel, and in thirty years your grandchildren shouldn’t be asking why Grandpa came straight from the gym.
At the reception, he changes into whatever he likes, and so can you. Plenty of brides have a pair of flats waiting under the head table by the second hour.
Then ask the photographer for one picture of the two of you showing off your reception footwear. I promise it’ll be one of the most shared pictures of the day.
If he digs in and refuses even that, it’s worth a gentle question: why does winning this one matter so much? But I suspect he’ll take the deal.
Marriage will bring bigger arguments than this one. If you can settle a dispute about white sneakers with nobody feeling defeated, you’re off to a good start.
Preferably in comfortable shoes.