Ask David
My Fiancé Wants a Bachelor Party in Las Vegas
Dear David,
My fiancé’s friends are planning a three-day bachelor party in Las Vegas.
They have rented a large suite and apparently have an ambitious itinerary involving casinos, nightclubs, and activities they refuse to describe.
My fiancé says it is all harmless fun. I trust him, but I don’t particularly trust some of his friends.
One of them has already joked that “what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.”
I told my fiancé that I was uncomfortable with the trip. He says I am being controlling and that every groom deserves one last weekend of freedom.
That expression bothers me. Freedom from what? We have been together for five years.
Should I tell him he cannot go?
— Worried Before the Wedding
Dear Worried,
Let him go. But don’t let “one last weekend of freedom” go by without a question.
I’ve never liked that expression. It makes marriage sound like a prison sentence with better catering. You’ve been together five years. If he’s been feeling locked up, that’s a much bigger conversation than Las Vegas.
Telling a grown man he can’t take a trip with his friends rarely ends well, and you’d be the villain in every story they tell for the next thirty years. So skip the ban and ask better questions. Who’s going? What’s the plan? And when his buddy says “what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas,” does your fiancé think that applies to him?
That last answer is the one that matters. A groom who says, “Nothing will happen in Vegas that I wouldn’t tell you about,” is a groom you can wave off at the airport. A groom who calls you controlling for asking is telling you something too.
Your marriage doesn’t start at the altar. The trust is being built, or spent, right now, one weekend at a time.
So kiss him goodbye. Tell him to have fun, drink some water and call you Saturday night.
And if anything does happen in Vegas, it’s coming home with him.