Small Wedding, Grand Setting

Not every couple wants a castle. But some do, and I understand why. Walk into an old house with a curved staircase, or a garden that has been growing for a hundred years, and your guests know this day matters before anyone says a word.

The trouble is that the famous places come with famous prices. So I went looking for something different: historic houses and castles where a small wedding of twenty, thirty or fifty people can have that sense of occasion without the setting eating the whole budget.

Here are five. Three are in the United States and two are in Canada. I grew up in southwestern Ontario, so I'll admit a soft spot for Castle Kilbride.

The Mansion at Strathmore: North Bethesda, Maryland

A Georgian mansion with chandeliers, polished oak and a sweeping staircase. Half your decorating is done the moment you walk in.

• Cost: Moderate. They offer a special package for small weddings of a few dozen guests, booked within a few months of the date.
• Dinner: Ceremony and reception both happen in the mansion. Catering is extra, so ask for a food and drink quote along with the rental.
• Ask them: How many hours are ours for the event itself, not counting setup and cleanup? Will our ceremony, dinner and any dancing fit?

See intimate weddings at Strathmore

Kimberly Crest House and Gardens: Redlands, California

A French château-style house with Italian gardens. The ceremony is outdoors, with the old house standing behind you.

• Cost: Moderate, and lower on weekdays.
• Dinner: Have it outdoors within your booked hours, or go somewhere else after the ceremony and photos. Tables, chairs, catering and a required wedding coordinator are all extra.
• Ask them: What happens if it rains? And are there summer dates when evening weddings aren't allowed? There's a theatre festival nearby.

See weddings at Kimberly Crest

Redfield Estate at The Grove: Glenview, Illinois

A gentler kind of grand: a Craftsman home, wooded grounds, fountains and a covered stone pavilion. Good for couples whose idea of elegant includes trees.

• Cost: Budget-friendly on weekdays and winter weekends; Saturday evenings cost a good deal more. The house, pavilion, gazebo, lawn, tables and chairs are included.
• Dinner: On the grounds, with a full-service caterer, which is required and extra.
• Ask them: How much of our time will the caterer's setup and cleanup take? It all counts toward your hours.

See Redfield Estate

Castle Kilbride: Baden, Ontario

An 1877 Victorian mansion with gardens out front. This is the bargain of the bunch, if you're happy to say your vows here and have dinner somewhere else.

• Cost: Budget-friendly. The outdoor ceremony fee is modest.
• Dinner: At a restaurant or hall you book separately. A ceremony here and a good dinner nearby could make a lovely, simple day.
• Ask them: Where do we go if it rains? Have a backup plan, because indoor space may not be available.

See weddings at Castle Kilbride

Hatley Castle: Colwood, near Victoria, British Columbia

The real thing: a stone castle built for the Dunsmuir family in the early 1900s, with a grand staircase, a drawing room and formal gardens.

• Cost: Ask for a quote. Their "I Do" package is for an indoor ceremony only, with time in the gardens for photos.
• Dinner: Elsewhere. The package is built for a daytime ceremony and a reception somewhere else.
• Ask them: Which dates are eligible? The package runs in the quieter months.

See Hatley Castle's I Do package

The secret: winter and weekdays

Here's something most couples don't think about. Nearly every venue has empty Tuesdays and quiet Januarys, and many would rather fill them at a better price than leave the doors locked.

Several of the places above have special packages for small weddings, weekday dates or the off-season. If your heart is set on a grand setting, a Thursday in February may get you there when a Saturday in June won't.

A few things to weigh:

• Guests: a weekday may mean some folks take a day off work. For a small wedding, that's usually just a handful of people to check with.
• Weather: winter means an indoor plan, so pick a place whose rooms you love.
• Light: winter afternoons are short. Plan photos earlier in the day.
• Bonus: photographers, florists and caterers are often more flexible on quiet dates too.

When you call a venue, ask this first: "What dates are hardest for you to fill?"

Then ask what they can offer on those days.

Comparing the real cost

A low venue fee is nice, but it's only one piece of the day. To compare fairly, price the same wedding everywhere: same guest count, a similar meal, the same amount of time together. Ask each place for a written quote that covers:

• The rooms and grounds you get, and whether they're private
• Your hours, including setup, cleanup and the charge for running over
• Catering rules, food and drink minimums, staff and service charges
• Tables, linens, sound and any required coordinator
• Taxes, deposits, insurance and cancellation terms
• The rain plan, parking, washrooms and how easy it is to get around

If the ceremony is in one place and dinner in another, add the drive and the waiting time. Your guests will feel both. My wedding budget guide can help you keep the numbers straight, and the guest list guide will tell you how many seats you really need.

Let the setting serve the ceremony

I've stood at the front of a good many weddings. What people talked about afterward was rarely the chandelier. It was whether they could hear the vows, whether Grandma had a good seat, and whether the words meant something. It's about the couple, not the venue. That holds true no matter how grand the place or how lovely the decor.

So when you visit, picture your people, not just the photographs. Can everyone hear you? Can Grandpa manage the walk from the parking lot? Is there room for the folks taking part?

A grand room gives the day a sense of occasion. The ceremony gives it meaning.